We wanted to drive straight through to Vegas but were shortly hit in the face with natural scenery that didn't allow us to zoom through it. We had to stop at several lookouts and just marvel at the view. Apparently G-d decided to put a giant sandstone wall between this part of the world and that (and then man decided to blast a 2 lane highway through it, but that is a fact that actually worked out in our favor... shortening the trip by days). I know that the Grand Canyon is something everyone wants to go see, and I know it's a wonder to see it, but I'm certain that this part of the world definately comes close.
At one of the stops (where there's nothing but the view and an outhouse by the way) I decide I need to go to the bathroom and head off on the 100 meter walk from the car without my bag or anything before it occures to me that if Fabri suddenly goes crazy in the 2 minutes I'm inside and drives away I will be alone in the desert with no water, food, sunscreen, hat, phone, money, or ID and only an outhouse for shelter from the sun. In the 10 seconds it takes for me to make this realisation I already see myself waiting for the next truck or family sedan to pull in, talking to the drivers, hoping desperately they're not psychopaths (do psychos pull into majestic lookouts to hunt for victims? I decide this probably isn't the case), driving with my new friends (hoping for the family scenario here, not the trucker one... but stranded in the desert people can't be choosers right) to the next city (someplace in Arizona or Nevada), going to the sheriff's office (I'm not sure why but it's what I think of), and then what? I don't know. Could go a whole bunch of ways at this point. I turn around and tell Fabri, already in the driver's seat of the car, not to drive away. Of course it's never occured to him (till now) to drive away, so he laughs.
I get out of the bathroom and see he's pulled up in front of the outhouse. He OBVIOUSLY pretends to drive away at this point but finally stops joking with me and I get back in the car. Safe from abandonment or rattlesnakes. I decide that from the sheriff's office I would have started a new life in this inhospitable land. Like the pioneers!
We drive through crazy, craggy canyons, are surprised when we see some cows on a patch of grass about the size you'd use to fix a hole in your jeans, it rains and then we finally get into Cedar City Utah for some lunch. The meat market and grill we want to go to is closed today for the holiday so we go to Wendy's. They're festivly tied up some red, white and blue balloons to the counter where you order.
We stop at the Nevada welcome centre just after crossing out of Arizona (which we only touch a corner of for about a half hour) and already it's clearly Nevada. They've got a casino right there when you cross. We're hit by a gust of oven hot air when we open the car doors cause it literally, no kidding is as hot as an oven, and the same dryness. We start to laugh in nervous anticipation of the next 2 days in this state. We worry about surviving. I get loads of brochures on Vegas and they all seem glossy and nice. There are a few advertisements that have me a little concerned however. 'Bite' seems to be some sort of club you can go to to get bitten by vampires. 'The Gun Store' is where you can go try out a machine gun and take the target home with you (presumably in the shape of a human right? I'm pretty sure you don't use machine guns for hunting) 'Try it today!' is their slogan and they're the main billboard advertisers for the rest of the highway into town.
We don't have too much trouble getting into town or finding the hotel and the traffic isn't too bad, but it is frustrating because I'm so desperate to get out of the car and into the shiny pool from the brochures. It's supposed to be huge and have a lazy river, and get this: McHammer and Vanilla Ice are playing poolside TODAY!! Ha! The valet whisks the car away and the woman at the desk says 'How can I pretend to help you today?' Ok, I either look younger or stupider than I am, because I'm sure she gets away with that sort of stuff all the time here in Vegas (and I don't YET know exactly how easy it is) but I flash her a look and she straightens up.
On the way up we're in the elevator with some vocal 20 somethings who are carrying giant bong-style glasses full of Daquiris and other indigestable drink-stuffs, all dressed in bikinis and complaining that they have to pee. There's a guy with an accent talking to a tall guy who gets off on the 2nd floor and the girls all yell at him and shove him out of the elevator cause he 'could have walked'. The tall guy tells them they're rude and then they say he's rude for telling them they're rude and then they get off all giggly on the 24th floor. This revelas a timid girl in the corner. The tall guy then says wow! Who's in the penthouse? And I look at the buttons and see that indeed our floor has the PH symbol on the button. The room is great. 33rd floor with a balcony and facing the strip (though the strip is under construction). Giant tub and shower. Very nice indeed.
We go down to the Grand pool. It's a ten minute walk and we get there and I'm all excited until I see it. Have you ever seen any footage of Daytona Beach on spring break? Well, this is it, but couple that with hotdogs and kids and 16$ tubes for the lazy river ride and you're starting to get close. You can't sit on the edge of the pool because there are too many beer cans and bottles. It's really disgusting and I feel tears welling up in my eyes. My expectations were SO different. We start to laugh and comment on al the grossness and I feel a little better and we do manage to go into the water at one of the 12 pools there, but not for long cause it really is very gross and all the people have really let themselves go. Really gross.
We decide to try the pool directly beneath our tower, also part of our complex and so march back the 10 minutes and suddenly all my pool dreams come true. Clean water, normal people and not many of them, and a hot tub. Nice. We spend an hour or so here till they tell us they'r closing. Back in the elevator there are 2 guys. At first we think one is a terrorist cause he's praying, but then when he turns towards us I realise he's not going to blow up the elevator and is instead being a jerk. His friend is laughing. He says he's clearing out the negative energy. I say 'Into the elevator?? That's not so smart is it?' I think he's really wasted cause he doesn't even respond. His friend is embarassed. We get out of the elevator giggling.
We get showered and dressed and get back in the elevator and a couple gets in with this giant, twisted and tangled gold chain. Her dress is basically a bandage wrapped around the bits that would get her arrested if she showed them. She puts the necklace on him to start untangling it and he says to us 'You didn'ìt see this.' and tells her that she has 20 floors to get it undone cause he won't be seen in public wearing a girls necklace (honestly I don't know what he was worried about... it's not like you could tell it was a girls, or he was the one you were looking at at any given point in time). I tell him the necklace suits him anyhow and they both start to laugh and say 'No!! It's too Mr. T!!' Too Mr. T? Is there a moderate version of Mr. T?
We walk around all of the MGM grand and New York New York before deciding that Vegas is not really our town at all. I'm getting depressed cause I'm sponging and vaccuming up all the negative energy of the gamblers and Fabri's all stressed because there's no place to eat that isn't like eating inside a shopping mall. In the end we have a drink at a steak place where the steaks cost over $150 and then move over to a Sushi place next door which ends up being very delicious and I'm happy cause I make a perfect order.
We rush back to the hotel (though in all actuality we never left it) and I'm freezing cause the air-con is up so high. We jump in the elevator and meanly don't hold it for anyone cause we can't handle any more crazy for today. We get upstairs and fall into the cloudy soft bed. Pretty memorable 30th birthday.
Visualizzazione ingrandita della mappa
408 mi – circa 5 ore 55 min
Luxury Suites International at The Signature
125 East Harmon, NV 89109 Las Vegas
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